We human beings are creatures of habit, developed over centuries of evolution. Your ‘cave woman’ brain is programmed to look for that feeling of safety that comes from routine and familiarity. It was literally a matter of life and death when we had to hunt for our own food and avoid predators. But this primal need to feel safe doesn’t always serve us well now we live in relative safety.
In fact, staying safe can hold you back and stop you from living life the way you want. You have to reprogramme your mind to step out of your comfort zone, so you can move forward in life and achieve your goals.
That means firstly, recognising when to change your life, then being brave enough to act upon it.
What are the stages of change?
1. The Trigger
Firstly, there is a trigger – a reason why the need for change has arisen in the first place. This could be a life event such as a redundancy, the onset of illness, bereavement, divorce, or something more subtle, like a feeling you just can’t shake (I call this The Niggle).
You might be able to ignore this feeling at first, especially when it’s a situation you don’t want to face or it just feels too scary to think about.
The problem is that this doesn’t work forever.
When you try to squash down a feeling, your subconscious mind finds ways of pushing it back up to the surface.
You might get intrusive thoughts, strange dreams, or feel irritated or low in mood. You might even start to feel physically unwell with a sudden illness, mysterious symptoms, or feeling run down all of the time.
If these signs are ignored or dismissed, your conscious and unconscious minds become misaligned. Your brain is battling with itself – it knows there’s something amiss and it wants you to do something about it!
2. Realisating that things need to change
As the effects of a trigger build, you’ll get to the point where you just can’t continue in your existing situation. The uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach gets heavier, physical symptoms might become worse, and feelings of anxiety and stress can start to become overwhelming. You realise that you can’t keep ignoring the issue. Something has to change.
It can take some time to get from the initial trigger to full realisation because many people experience a period of denial as they cling on to what they know and try to convince themselves that things are ok as they are. The longer the person denies the reality of the situation and refuses to leave their comfort zone, the more unbearable the effects become.
3. Considering the options
Once you decide that things are not going to continue as they are, the next step is to consider your options. This usually starts with researching possible alternatives to the current situation and getting a good understanding of what the choices really are. The way you approach this is heavily influenced by your personality type. Maybe you’re cautious and risk-averse and you like to explore every option in depth. Or you might be an impulsive action-taker who likes to wing it and see what happens!
Spontaneous personalities may be tempted to rush to find any alternative, instantly choose the first one they come across, and throw themselves headlong into a new situation that might turn out to be no better than the one they just left behind.
A more indecisive or risk-averse person may commit to finding every single possible option available to them, collecting an extensive list of possibilities, and becoming totally overwhelmed with the sheer magnitude of possible options. This usually results in fear of making the wrong choice and avoiding making the decision altogether.
4. Listening to your Intuition
It’s one thing having an objective list of the possible options available, but it takes a big leap of faith to actually make a decision. In the case of major, life-changing decisions, there is often more than one viable choice. To pinpoint which of these is the right decision for you, you need to trust your intuition, or gut feeling. Your intuition is the part of you that instinctively knows the answer. It can take some practice to tune in to your intuition, but any opportunity for calm, quiet reflection can give you the headspace to start reconnecting with yourself.
Try journaling, meditation, yoga, or spending time in nature while you think through your decision. You will find that you start getting an instinctive feel for which option lights you up. You may even get a physical reaction as you think through each alternative – do you smile or get butterflies when you think of one of the possibilities? Pay attention to these signs.
5. Fully commit to changing your life
“Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen” – Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Before you make a decision, the potential options can feel overwhelming. You have no way of knowing for sure how each option will work out. But when you combine your intuition with research and logic, you have the every chance of making it work. There are no wrong decisions – you make the best choice you can at any given time (or you simply wouldn’t have made it!).
As soon as you fully commit to pursuing your chosen path, something magical happens. Opportunities present themselves to you. The right people come into your life to help you on your new journey. Obstacles seem to disappear. The universe rewards your courage with little signs that you have made the right decision.
Want to talk through your options and explore your feelings around making a big decision? Ask me about 1:1 coaching.
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